Re: Turn

Hello readership! How many of you there are out there, at least. Think the number might be up to 2! The excitement!

Sorry for the inactivity as of late: my wireless router went on the fritz over a week ago. Seriously. Started smoking and everything *shock*. Told it to get a nicotine patch and cut it out, but it wouldn’t listen (the few of you that heard me say that earlier today, apologies for repeating it, but I would have written it anyway). Damn technology nowadays; always temperamental.

Then I went to Somerset for a few days. Came back to a house minus the Internet…let me tell you something, you simply cannot understand how much you miss the Internet until it’s gone. Close friend of mine lost his for 3 weeks; I’m surprised he kept his sanity!

What should I say first, I wonder? Well, at this present moment in time, I’m itching for a drink of some sort. Thirsty, if you catch my drift. I can’t see how you wouldn’t; I said I was thirsty, didn’t I? Gosh, you would think some people would follow. Not follow suit or anything like that. I’m not trying to tell you to have a drink, am I? That gets me, in fact. I feel like musing with the idea of mind control through writing:

You suddenly feel the urge to look in your refrigerator, and consume the contents of a bottle of non-toxic liquid.

Go ahead.

YOU’RE THIRSTY.

YOU’RE THIRSTY.

YOU’RE THIRSTY.

YOU’RE THIRSTY.

Bet you’re feeling pretty hungry right now, aren’t you?

The last thing I have to say on my return is how I’m loathing the looming re-arrival to school next week. Summer has flown in and out of the window so quickly; there’s hardly been a chance to catch the breeze. Back to the old grindstone.

Enjoy what’s left of your Sunday evening.

Fiveplay: #3- March Of Misery

Welcome to “Fiveplay” #3. The impression today is one of sadness; not one of the picks in this downcast selection is going to put you in a cheerful mood if you decided to have a listen. I apologise for that in advance, but if you want to shake off a few despondent feelings, I find that one of the best ways to do that is through music.

Songs by: Travis, Nirvana, Bloc Party, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jimmy Eat World.

1. Re-Offender- Travis

Where Why Does It Always Rain On Me? touches on unspecific unhappiness, Re-Offender looks at the disconcerting, unenviable situation of being locked in a relationship marked by domestic abuse. I think this song demonstrated Travis’ brilliance: it was a certainty that Why Does It Always Rain On Me? shot them to fame, but Re-Offender, along with Love Will Come Through on the same album (12 Memories) saw the Scottish band tap into much deeper emotion.

Rating: ****

2. Rape Me- Nirvana

Since when was anything performed by Nirvana cheerful? Brusque-titled Rape Me involves a role reversal, leading to poetic justice. Kurt Cobain said that the song was to do with a man being sent to prison for raping a woman, and is raped himself afterwards. Additionally, a more subtle meaning was to with Cobain’s feelings of depression following a claim that his wife took heroin while pregnant. According to the grapevine, this claim had surfaced from a close member of Nirvana, and the “rape” is a reference to the betrayal. The band’s trademark grunge sound doesn’t feature greatly until the chorus, so, surprisingly, given the name, this song isn’t all that vicious (though that song composition is often typical of Nirvana tracks). A quietened guitar backs up Cobain in between.

Rating: ***

3. Selfish Son- Bloc Party

Cropped up as a b-side to the single I Still Remember from Bloc Party’s A Weekend In The City. Why this didn’t make it onto the album, I do not know. Darkly experimental feel about the first minute and 20 seconds of the song. The entrance of the glockenspiel (which, by the way, could grate on you a spot) lifts the mood confidently, but images of impending doom are bound to flash through your mind when you listen to what Okereke is talking about. I’d say this is one of Bloc Party’s “fullest” songs; it sounds polished and all-rounded. Pleasingly climactic after nearly five minutes of musical heaven.

Rating: ****

4. Otherside- Red Hot Chili Peppers

At the beginning of my passion for Red Hot Chili Peppers, I had a small sample of their songs to listen to. These included Scar Tissue, Give It Away, Californication, By The Way, The Zephyr Song and Otherside (Under The Bridge came a long before this lot). At the beginning, Otherside was the only track I hadn’t given a listen. And for a good couple of months, little changed; I consciously avoided it as the first time I had tried it out, I skimmed through it and didn’t like what I had heard. I eventually decided to give it a second chance after hearing the opening on a friend’s playlist. Almost immediately, I scolded myself for failing to accept it the first time. Turns out this was one of the best songs I had ever listened to. Containing heartfelt lyrics, I generally loved Red Hot Chili Peppers’ transition into melodic rock. And this song epitomises all that I love about that change.

Rating: *****

5. 23- Jimmy Eat World

Final track on Jimmy Eat World’s Futures album. And likely to be one of the most sombre too. It’s unquestionably the longest; over 7 minutes of track to listen to! To take in a song of that length requires you to have a fairly good attention span, but every second is glorious. Jim Adkins smooth, albeit slightly high-pitched – that suit most of Jimmy Eat World’s other material, but don’t integrate perfectly in this slower song – vocals describe a pain caused by a loss of faith in all humankind (and vice versa, since all of humankind has abandoned him) bar one person. Though multiple interpretations are possible; at the same time, the song’s character may be hinting at suicide. Beautifully constructed in its ability to bring tranquillity.

Rating: ****

You Make Me So Hot, Malaysia, But I Promise Not To Be Too Arousing

Ahh, NME! You really are first for music news. Around an hour ago, it was announced that Bloc Party would be releasing their third album, entitled Intimacy, on MP3 format in 3 days time. Very short notice for a band, which had thought not long ago that the album would not be ready until next year. Here they are, providing us with a digital release 4 months before Christmas, and a CD release date penned in for October 21st.

I was ecstatic – and a wee bit miffed at the spontaneity of the declaration – about the news. However, it was whilst I was thumbing through a few other articles on NME’s website that I came across something more intriguing to the eye.

Avril Lavigne may be forced to cancel a booked concert in Malaysia if her dance moves are deemed to be “too sexy”.

Oh no, you haven't read that incorrectly. This is a significant possibility.

The whole concept is laughable. How on earth can you define “too sexy”? What is that? Sounds like something a virile young man would use in the middle of a cheesy chat-up line, standing around in a shady nightclub.

“Miss, I’m going to have to arrest you. You are too sexy!” I could never bring myself to use a thing so crass with the intention of picking a girl up in my life.

Naturally, any woman would huff whenever they heard such a thing; knowing full well it was a lame attempt to get into her underwear. Sadly for Avril Lavigne, she must take the comment 100% seriously, and know for once that the purpose is certainly not to do with anyone making sexual advances towards her. How can you listen to that comment without letting out a laugh of disbelief at the very least?

Apparently, according to the article, it isn’t the first time western female artists have run into difficulties trying to organise shows in Malaysia, a largely Muslim country. Conduct on stage is laid out by a set of strict guidelines: no visible skin between the chest and knees, no jumping or shouting, and minimal sexual contact on stage (no kissing or hugging or any sort). They absolutely must be abided by. Therein lies the confusion over the comment; if Avril Lavigne were to adhere to all of these rules, why should her show need to be scrapped?

I can understand some of the calls against Avril Lavigne’s traditional style; if they feel it wouldn’t be appropriate for people of their religion to see it, fine, they have basis for saying it shouldn’t be allowed to be shown then. But Lavigne must already know about the stringent policies in place, as her tour opens at the end of this month. What I am beset with anger about is the fact that the party (a youth wing at that) who wants to see the cancellation of the concert have made up an incongruous reason for it, and do not appear willing to compromise. They say that they don’t want their teenagers seeing it, as her performance could influence them? Excuse me? Teenagers aren’t all 5 years old! They don’t follow everything they see. The ones that do are a gigantic minority, since most teenagers can think and act for themselves. And anyway, why not let them make the decision whether they should be going to show or not? Most Muslims would surely decide not to attend if they thought it would be offensive to their faith once forewarned, right? They could at least seek some public opinion, because it clearly wouldn’t be fair to the fans. In reality, that wouldn’t have made any difference. If the public opinion polls don’t agree with what you want to do, you just ignore them. It happens over here in the UK too, and is nothing new. Why bother calling it a democracy when people are told what to think, eh?

Can’t Lavigne be asked to cut out the moves that are “too sexy” out of her routine? Was that suggested?

The Malaysian government has yet to decide whether or not to allow Lavigne to perform. Let’s hope they permit it.

A little bit extra:

Read the article in full...
http://www.nme.com/news/avril-lavigne/39032

Turning The Tables

The first weekend of the 2008-2009 Premier League season is over. And whom do I see topping the league table? Why, it’s none over than those Blues with a die-hard “let’s fritter our money away on useless talent, since we appear to have an infinite supply of it streaming through” attitude. I stand firm by my comment a few years back that Roman Abramovich will grow bored of his venture into the world of football and withdraw all of his cash funds, leaving Chelsea on the verge of bankruptcy. But for now, I duly admit that Chelsea performed well yesterday afternoon in their season opener against Portsmouth. Hey, I give credit where credit is due.

4-0 was by no means a flattering scoreline; Chelsea tore Pompey apart time and time again. And Deco was thoroughly impressive on his debut, netting both a goal and a man of the match award.

I think the signings this year for the West London club are a lot more sensible; Deco, in particular, looks to be an astute purchase. Chelsea did have a torrid time during the last campaign, with many unfair decisions going against them, talismanic players being missing at crucial moments, and a massively under-qualified manager at the helm. Say what you will about Avram Grant’s success at Chelsea; he wasn’t right for the job in the first place. Just because he got by on dumb luck for most of the first half of this year does not mean he would have been able to repeat that this time around. Chelsea look formidable, and I can envision them lifting the trophy come May. No, they aren’t going to romp to the title – the other 3 teams of the illustrious “Top 4” will push them all the way – but there will be no final game decider to settle the question of who will be crowned champions.

The air surrounding Manchester United has been tainted ever since “Ronaldogate” began. I don’t know whether the squad is under-prepared this time around, or missing players took their toll in the first game, but the desire to chase the title this year doesn’t seem to be burning as brightly as last season. They lack hunger – in comparison right now, Chelsea have this in abundance. Still, United will churn out good results, and deliver when necessary. A comfortable second place might be in store.

It’s been reiterated to Arsène Wenger on many an occasion: you can’t win anything with kids! Sir Alex Ferguson disproved that theory in the 90s with the likes of Beckham, Scholes and the Neville brothers, only now, given the raised level of competition, the feat cannot be replicated as easily. Arsenal’s tactics have, for the most part, failed during critical stages of the season for the last 3 years. Last season, they punished the slip-ups of the rivals to take an early comfortable lead in the race. Then came the implosion, and Arsenal plummeted down the table, finishing the season languishing in third, when they should have finished higher. The departures of Hleb and Flamini are huge body blows, though Samir Nasri will partly fill that gaping void (as shown on Saturday).

Liverpool? It’s hard to say what will happen to them. On paper, the squad is strong, and could very well challenge for silverware in one department. But unrest off the pitch persists. The rift between the owners could effortlessly affect player morale, and consequently match performances. Probably the side at most risk of dropping out of the top four. Maybe Spurs, if they can get some consistency going, can overhaul them.

Such a premature prediction table can draw incorrect assumptions. First of all, one must be aware that the transfer window is still open, so teams still have the opportunity to strengthen. Secondly, one cannot foresee injuries which play vital roles in outcomes. Nevertheless, I predicted that Manchester United would be triumphant last season, with Chelsea runners-up, Liverpool in 3^rd, and Arsenal 4^th (in reality, Liverpool and Arsenal finished the other way around), as well as correctly predicted 2 out of the 3 relegated sides (I said: 20^th- Derby, 19^th- Wigan. 18^th- Reading. It was actually: 20^th- Derby, 19^th- Birmingham, 18^th- Reading).

1. Chelsea
2. Manchester United
3. Arsenal
4. Liverpool
5. Tottenham Hotspur
6. Newcastle United
7. Aston Villa
8. West Ham United
9. Portsmouth
10. Manchester City
11. Sunderland
12. Blackburn Rovers
13. Middlesbrough
14. Bolton Wanderers
15. Fulham
16. West Bromwich Albion
17. Everton
18. Hull City
19. Wigan Athletic
20. Stoke City

The middling places are pure guesswork. Otherwise, I’d say those will be the top five, and the bottom three. Everton figure that low in the table because they haven’t been active in the transfer market, and when that happens, things begin going the way of your opposition at crunch time. Likelihood is they will be in a lower-mid table position. Hull have a reasonable chance of survival, so I can't definitely say they'll go down. However, it seems implausible to think a different team will be relegated in their place. Hmm...

And can somebody please tell Wigan Athletic that dressing like Chelsea will not help you play like Chelsea? Worse still is that they chose Chelsea's ghastly fluorescent away kit! I'd exclude them from the league for that offence alone!

Dances With Walls

“What is he staring at? He can’t be staring at the wall, can he? But why? Why would he be staring at a wall so intently? It defies all logic! Why?!”

Those words…I’ve been saying them to myself over and over for around three-quarters of the past two hours. And he? To tell you the truth, he refers to my pet cat, Bisto, who has been sitting on the neighbours’ side of my garden fence since 7 o’clock now (barring a ten minute interval where he came in to be fed), seemingly fixated on a wall. I couldn’t even begin to describe to you what is so fascinating about this wall. It has no curve, no notably strange indentations, no holes to speak of. It’s an ordinary – and might I add, highly clean – wall.

So what on earth is he looking at it for?! I’ve racked my brain searching for an answer, and my quest has ground to a halt. I cannot make any sense of why he’s doing it! Surely there has to be a decent explanation, mustn’t there? Being rational has bore no fruit; being nonsensical has bore no fruit. I’m seriously at the end of my tether here!

I’ve delved too deep and plunged too far to accept that purely because he’s a cat, there doesn’t have to be a good reason as to why he’s doing it. I refuse to believe that. And I must know now what has possessed him to take on a task so pointless. He doesn’t usually act like this. Could it be that my cat has gone insane? Should I be contemplating taking him to a cat psychiatrist? Should I take seriously the thought of enrolling him in a cat mental institution?

*pause*

Ok, so I wandered up to my dad about this, to get his opinion. His suggestion: there may be a gap to the left of the wall he appears to be looking at, into which he is gazing. According to father, the prey of cats (e.g. mice) prowl up and down these gaps from time to time, and it wouldn’t be unheard for a predator to keep focus on the noises made for hours on end.

Case solved?

Nahh. I’d rather believe he’s come face to face with a floating ghost mouse and hasn’t a clue what to do about it. Which is criminally absurd.

Infest In The NHS

The findings were astonishing. 70% of hospitals have had to call out for pest control at least 50 times in the last 2 years. With the shape the NHS is in at the moment, this was further negative press attention it could well do without.

When the findings were made public last week, I didn’t get around to writing this. Frankly, I was understandably flabbergasted at what I had heard on the radio programme to which I was listening inattentively. The mention of insects and murine animals being ever-present in hospitals set off alarm bells in my head. I simply couldn’t decide which was more disturbing; the fact that there where large scale infestations of these creatures in hospitals, or the fact that it had become commonplace to call out for the exterminators and deal with the problem swiftly and covertly to hide the influx of maggots and mice from patients in the basement.

Now I know statistics can be manipulated to say what the creator wants them to say, but these percentages speak volumes by themselves:

80% of hospitals reported infestations by ants.
77% reported infestations by mice.
66% reported infestations by rats.
59% reported infestations by maggots.

With figures like that, how can people suffering from minor illnesses expect to come out of hospitals healthier than when they went in?

Conservatives got hold of this information and have clearly managed to use it to their advantage; publicising it under the Freedom of Information Act.

“I’ve got some juicy gossip about UK hospitals!” David Cameron excitedly says to a tabloid journalist. The next day, provocative headlines concerning the matter widen more eyes than the Sun’s daily page 3 model.

You have to admit that regardless of how far healthcare advances in terms of quick, efficient treatments for the ill, it all comes to nought when the patient dies of a bug they’ve caught off…well, a bug.

Take Your Marks...

9.69 seconds. That’s now the benchmark time for the men’s 100m.

It was an inhuman effort; the likes of which have never been seen before. Late last night – Beijing time – Usain Bolt (which you have to say is an apt name), of Jamaica, cruised to the 100m Olympic Gold a full two-tenths ahead of the second-placed finisher. Now, if you aren’t a follower of sports like sprints in Athletics, or maybe even Cycling, Swimming and qualifying sessions in Formula 1, then that margin might sound microscopic. When mentioned in this context, the distance is gargantuan, and rendered a worldwide audience speechless.

Jamaica has had a proud, long-standing sprinting tradition, yet surprisingly, given the strength in depth of the national squad – another two Jamaicans qualified for the final, one of whom was the world record holder just before Bolt – this incident culminated in the first ever Olympic gold medal for Jamaica in that event. The fact that this was also Jamaica’s first medal of any colour at the Beijing Games made the victory all the more emphatic. I haven’t even spoken about the exceptional 1-2-3 finish in the women’s 100m today made possible by representatives of the tiny island in the Caribbean possibly most famous for reggae and Rastafarianism.

Expectation over the outcome of this race had been building ever since Athens 2004, in all honesty. Asafa Powell, the Jamaican who has now twice finished in 5^th place, in the Olympic final, was billed as the early favourite to take the throne, following Justin Gatlin’s dishonourable removal from the sport. You see, Gatlin won in Athens, yet was then exposed to have been a drug cheat; not the first time track & field athletes have tarnished the good name of Athletics by cheating to be the best. After Gatlin slunk away from the public eye, no-one was expected to challenge Powell for a good while. He broke the joint world record of his and Gatlin’s to boot. He was dominant in all senses of the word.

That is until Tyson Gay dared to rival him.

Gay was already an established 200m runner, but chose to switch down to the shortest distance in the hope of being more competitive. The gamble paid off; the tussle between Gay and Powell was titanic: one week, Powell could power his way through the field, leaving Gay in his wake; the next, Gay was unstoppable, eclipsing any efforts Powell could muster.

And so it remained that way pending the arrival of a young fellow named Usain Bolt, trying his hand at 100m racing.

Once again, Bolt was an athlete primarily in the mould of a 200m runner. He, however, did not defect entirely to the 100m, and it’s still the case that he considers 200m to be his stronger event – frightening given his margin of victory yesterday. With very little experience over half the length of his preferred choice, he broke Powell’s record of 9.74 seconds in what was only his fifth ever senior-level race. From there, his rise has been meteoric; some say he’s invincible. Who can blame them when you stop to think that Bolt slowed 20m from the finishing line in Beijing, and had no assistance from a tailwind?

This achievement was a little more touching to me. With half of my family originating from the said country, I could partially revel in the glory. Suffice to say, I am whole-heartedly British, and will always be British; nonetheless, there will too be a space reserved in my heart to bask in the accomplishments of Jamaica (and to worry about the troubles) whenever they arise.

The story of Usain Bolt is a warm one that Athletics has badly needed, given the scrutiny over the past few years. A man whose goals are to win and keep on winning, he is not tied down to his thirst for success. Not an arrogant fibre resides in his body. He relishes in any sort of competition. And he shows great passion in doing what he does best. He even has time to play to his adoring fans.

The “Lightning Bolt”; not a soul could have been worthier of the thunderous applause he collected in the wake of his jubilation.

Intruders

The name “South Ossetia” would have been seldom quoted outside of Georgia and Russia before August. In all likelihood, scant people would be able to recognise the name, let alone disclose information to others upon its whereabouts and current political state of affairs.

It must’ve been a bitterly cold day in November when I first happened upon details pertaining to what is the de facto independent nation of South Ossetia. It is located in the north region of Georgia, and forms part of the border between the internationally recognised boundary of Georgia and Russia. The section defined as being South Ossetia is 3,900km², equating out to roughly 5.6% of Georgia’s confirmed territory. To put that into perspective, South Ossetia is precious little more than 1/100^th of the size of the UK, and is just under 2½ times bigger than Greater London alone.

The troubled disputes in South Ossetia have been ongoing effectively from before Georgia even announced its independence from the old Soviet Union. South Ossetia first declared its independence from Georgia in 1990, with an overall goal of unifying itself with North Ossetia (currently considered part of Russian territory) to form an individual nation for Ossetians. The Georgian Supreme Council took offense to this, declaring any such announcements illegal, and therefore void. The bitter hostility between the two sides from that moment on only depreciated right up until the first South Ossetian war in 1991. Here, it was the Georgians who triggered the alarm by marching into South Ossetia’s capital city, Tskhinvali. Naturally, South Ossetia, soon bolstered by a number of volunteer recruits from North Ossetia, rebelled, ensuring that bloodshed ensued around 3,000 people were killed.

What is always important to remember is that South Ossetia operates completely separately from Georgia. What we see on an ordinary map as the country of Georgia is never going to tell us the full story. South Ossetia isn’t even the SOLE separatist region within Georgia: a region in the north-west quadrant known as Abkhazia (also mentioned is a small number of news reports), functions in a similar vein to South Ossetia, and in addition, it too longs for independence.

The main difference between this existing war over South Ossetia and the one that occurred during nearly the entire calendar year of 1991, and over half of 1992 is the involvement of Russia. Last time around, Russian military took a very lax approach to the violence; surfacing intermittently. In the end, a ceasefire was negotiated with the HELP of the Russians. The Russians now have a vested interest this time to block any attempts of Georgia regaining control of the area, as many South Ossetians are in possession of Russian passports. Georgia accuses Russia of attempting to annex South Ossetia.

If you look at this example of an escalating argument over land, other cases are present nearby. Abkhazia, as I mentioned earlier, has also been a de facto independent nation since the 1990s. Nagorno-Karabakh, which is enclosed by Azerbaijan, called for secession in late 1991, and Transnitria – making up around 50% of the border between Moldova and Ukraine – announced its separation from Moldova over a year prior to that. Moreover, the horrors of Chechnya and Kosovo have been in the news on frequents bases (Kosovo, as of 2008, is now a partially recognised country). Do you notice a pattern? Apart from Kosovo – it being part of collapsed Yugoslavia, where unrest has not died down – all of these regions are located within the boundaries of the Soviet Union, meaning even now, nearly 17 years on from the end of the Cold War, conflict thrives. And worse is that none of them have attained universal country status recognition. In fact, all but Kosovo are not seen as countries by any nations of the world, signifying a product where the world audience is left largely ignorant to the struggles necessitated when these people pursue true freedom.

A ceasefire was said to have been implemented a few days ago. But further pandemonium has since erupted.

A Florence Fighting Sail

I feel sick. That headline couldn’t be any more unsightly. Not only does it not represent the sport of canoeing in which David Florence of Scotland won Great Britain’s first silver medal of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games, but sustained reading of it is making me contort my face to terrifying degrees. Before now, I never knew that written words, when joined together in a horrific manner like above, could make you feel physically nauseous.

As you and I both try to get over the disastrous opening, let’s move on to the details of Florence’s triumph. It was late afternoon/early evening in China when the men’s C1 final commenced. Florence had earlier posted a time good enough for 4th place during the semi-finals, meaning a place consolidation simply wouldn’t suffice; he would have to push with all his might on his final run.

I admit that I didn’t see Florence’s supreme ultimate effort live, but the repeat showings in the Olympic round-up programme suggested he was practically faultless. Weaving his way through the gates, scything through the white water rapids with such tenacity, and such fighting spirit; he battled the waves for the entire length of the course, but never let them get the better of him, and powered through the finish line to top the standings comfortably with 3 competitors remaining.

You know how I just praised Florence for his steady head and control? I am left unable to say the same of the athlete that directly followed him. The Pole who was in 3rd prior to the final suffered what could only be described as a diabolical end to his Olympic dream, losing around 10 seconds trying to get through the second upstream gate. You had to feel sorry for the man; it wasn’t so much his fault as it was plain bad luck, when he got sucked into one eddy (similar to a whirlpool) after the other. Towards the end, he nearly capsized.

With the Polish entrant failing to register a time faster than that of Florence, it meant the Brit was guaranteed a minimum of a bronze – no mean feat in your first Olympic Games.

The second hurdle to overcome was the hope that 2nd placed man, Stanislav Ježek, from the Czech Republic, would likewise crumble under the pressure. And crumble he did. He hurtled down past the first few gates, navigating a large majority of them well, but he too fell victim to the strong currents. Losing time on his descent by taking a line slightly off the optimum one available shunted Florence up to a provisional silver.

It had suddenly become a very realistic opportunity for Florence to snatch the gold from the grasp of seasoned veteran, Michal Martikán. Unlike the previous two participants, however, the Slovak knew the taste of Olympic gold (he was champion in Atlanta 1996, and took silver in both Sydney 2000 and Athens 2004). Unsurprisingly, his experience prevailed, and Florence settled for 2nd place.

Congratulations to Mr. Florence for increasing our nation’s current medal haul. And the bonus, as a result? He’s probably now the most famous canoeist in the UK. Well, 2nd to the notorious Hartlepudlian, John Darwin, of course!

Problem Loading Page

The Internet was a wonderful invention – the brainchild of a group of people who will most certainly go down in history as computing gods; there’s no doubt about it. Innovative doesn’t begin to tell the story. Just think what life would be like without the Internet in this modern age…blimey, it would be a severe struggle just to get up in the morning (hmm, funny how I appear to display the attributes of a person who is addicted to the Internet, and there would happen to an article where that sort of behaviour fits perfectly). For a start, you wouldn’t be able to read this *cough* fantastic *cough* blog! A travesty, I say!

To those who cooked up the Internet, I salute you. To those who build the lacklustre…oh, there’s no reason for me to beat around the bush, is there? To those who build and concurrently maintain the crap connection services that drop out more frequently than overwhelmed first-year Cambridge and Oxford students, I am sardonic towards you. Care to hazard a guess as to why I’m so mad? It doesn’t take a genius to work out that I’ve recently had a frustrating episode in my vast series of incidents vis-à-vis Internet difficulties.

Picture this: you’re seated by your desktop PC, putting the finishing touches on a long, often important piece of writing. Let’s say it’s an e-mail you are required to send in order to complete a vital task. And that task absolutely cannot wait; it must be done now. Anyway, you’ve finished writing it, and since it took you around half-an-hour to an hour to conclude, you suddenly feel the urge to exhale deeply, click the “Send” button on the page, then lean back in that ostensibly "more comfortable than before" chair of yours. Maybe you close your eyes for a moment; maybe a wry smile creeps out from the corner of your mouth when you think to yourself “I’ve done it”. Without a second thought, you re-open your eyes to see a very unwelcome message glaring at you through the monitor: “Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage” (or the message I see nowadays after my switch to the Firefox browser: “The connection has timed out”).

When you preoccupy your mind with a task like the one mentioned for any length of time over 5 minutes, you don’t stop to think about the inherent risks that are bound to come with it as you go along. Other than the Internet collapsing in on itself, it could have chosen to do a random page refresh – which would likely wipe any unsaved information, especially of the variety seen in an e-mail – or it could have frozen for no apparent reason and remained in that state until you concede and switch off the PC (providing you tried the good old Ctrl+Alt+Del trick in vain). It’s not something you only see on television or in a film – or on that advert for BT Home Hub where the guy moves too far away from the wireless base console; 9 times out of 10, the Internet really will cut out on you at the most inconvenient time. It’s Sod’s Law.

In a desperate frenzy, you hammer the “Refresh” button in your browser, believing if it reconnects quickly enough, you’ll be able to re-obtain your work. Then the realisation sets in, and that denial of loss advances to a stage of anger. What results from this anger is down to you and your strength.

As the rage subsides, all equipment may still be intact – if you’re lucky – or you have a shattered keyboard lying in front of you, and a fist-shaped hole in your PC screen. And by the way, if this problem were to ever occur to you on a laptop, chances are you’re going to need a new laptop.

Let me say that finishing up in those positions will not magically restore the Internet connection to its former glory. Don’t ask how I know that…a friend told me?

Now I’m off to scold my Internet service provider.

Fiveplay: #2

The second issue comprises of: Motion City Soundtrack, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Portishead, Placebo and Akala.

1. Everything Is Alright- Motion City Soundtrack

Pop Punk at its finest. Everything Is Alright features guest backing vocals by Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy, and is quite possibly the best-constructed song thus far. Motion City Soundtrack have perennially had a problem with under-representation on the radio and in official national music charts; ergo, their global success has been hindered. Despite this, album sales have been healthy, predominantly the sales of their second studio album, Commit This To Memory, on which Everything Is Alright is located, and from which it was released as the first single. The quick, repetitive bass in the background, and the periodic breaks for partial drum solos, act as the good, solid groundwork; the incorporation of the synthesizer on top to add to Justin Pierre’s singing pushes this song up from good to great.

Rating: ****

2. By The Way- Red Hot Chili Peppers

There was a 3 year gap between the releases of the albums Californication (in 1999) and By The Way (in 2002). The successful reformation of RHCP for Californication meant that follow-up albums were going to have to rank at minimums of 11 on scales of 1 to 10. By The Way – parroting the name of the album – worked as its lead single, and was massively popular; it’s undoubtedly one of the band's most well-known songs. Anthony Kiedis familiarises himself with earlier work by placing rapped verses in with a melodic chorus. Catchy, and suitable for a wide range of listening audiences.

Rating: ****

3. Roads- Portishead

Portishead’s 1994 debut album, Dummy, thrust the Bristolian trip hop group into the limelight worldwide; selling rapidly in Europe and the United States. Dummy spawned 3 singles, yet Roads was not one of them. What can I say about it? It’s a song that combines elements of their trip hop style with the purer variant of downtempo music; therefore, it’s not all too surprising that it relaxes almost to the extent for the possibility to call it musical anaesthesia. The main difference is Beth Gibbons’ vocal presentation, which produces a soft, timid sound perhaps slightly too introverted.

Rating: ***

4. Special Needs- Placebo

When I think of Placebo, 99% of the time, I associate them with fast-paced songs, and a stretched vocal range put on show by Brian Molko. Additionally, the lyrics will habitually deal with difficult, disturbing, and even taboo topics, along with indifferent (though sometimes harsh) feelings towards any sort of adversity. Absorb that piece of information, and then listen to Special Needs. Molko’s voice is heavily subdued, plus the reduced tempo causes the listener to be inundated with the lyricist’s emotion. Poignant.

Rating: ****

5. Electro Livin’- Akala

The track name is indicative of its content. But since Akala is the creator, it was bound to be a convergence of the grime and electro genres. And before I continue…contrary to popular belief, grime and rap are not the same. Sure, both have fixations on speaking quickly in order to make the artist nigh on completely incomprehensible, but the similarities break away from each other their. Grime originated in London, making it English (with this being my staple reason for liking it). Furthermore, grime has deep, existing electronic roots connected to it. More importantly, nevertheless, is my consideration that grime artists sporadically reveal a reasonable knowledge about British culture, themes and affairs; in comparison, rap artists will universally speak about “cappin’” their enemies, taking “shawties/shawtys” (however the plural of “shawty” is supposed to be spelled) back to their “cribs” and just boosting their already over-inflated egos by talking about themselves constantly. Funnily enough, those involved in grime music aren’t exactly lacking in confidence either, though their willingness to take a look at the world outside their own, and talk about that every once in a while, allows me to respect them a fair amount. Akala briefly demonstrates this way of thinking in Electro Livin’.

Rating: ***

Ronaldo The Manc

The decision is final, the saga is over; Cristiano Ronaldo will be playing for Manchester United next season. But exactly how much has that cost United in the long term? And how much was Ronaldo paid to publicly announce his desire to continue playing for the club for at least another season?

Lots of Red Devil fans have shown their appreciation towards Ronaldo’s decision to stay on for another year, but believe he should have made his intentions clear sooner rather than later. In actuality, these fans are delusional, and have failed to see the bigger picture; Ronaldo never chose to remain at Old Trafford, Manchester United’s manager – backed by the board – forced him to remain there.

The idea is not new, nor is it a shocking revelation. Ronaldo has portrayed far from exemplary behaviour over the last couple of months, and his arrogance and grandiose demeanour simply unveiled an ugly insight into the world of the Portuguese superstar – a world in which Ronaldo fought so hard to shake off the label of United’s prodigal son, only to regain it instantaneously following his well-stated disapproval of the situation at United, his belief that his loyalty to the club for the last few years earned him a move to Real Madrid, his clandestine attempts to secure the transfer he has desperately wanted – and prolongs in wanting, and his backing of the disparaging (and quite frankly, ludicrous) remarks made by FIFA president, Sepp Blatter that “footballers are being treated like slaves”. I thought slaves received less payment than what was necessary for basic amenities. Has the purchase of an eighteenth house become a “basic amenity” in the eyes of a modern-day footballer? Are footballers subject to gruelling labour for long periods of the day, every day of the week, every week of the month, every month of the year? Are they second-class citizens in society, with fewer rights than any other member of the public? Good Lord, it's true, isn't it? Let's buy them all Porsches, just in case their Ferraris all break down; let's make sure they keep getting their “five-a-day” (caviar, foie gras, oysters, roast pheasant & champagne); let's give them unlimited access to bars and nightclubs, alongs with their overpriced escorts! If this wasn’t the lifestyle that the top-class footballer was allowed to live, it would be a downright insufferable existence, wouldn’t it? Let's end this madness now and give footballers their freedom!

One cannot deny that Ronaldo is a truly fantastic player, and would be welcome to the setup of any football club. But can he perform as well as he did last season, now that he’s been pressured into stay in the red half of Manchester? Will there be a dramatic change in fortunes this year? I wouldn’t put it past Ronaldo to play poorly out of spite. We will soon see whether he chooses to be the bigger man.

After all, he’s only going to be in England for less than a year, counting down from now. Manchester United won the battle; Real Madrid have ultimately won the war.

See Attachment

All creatures, great and small, develop attachments to “things” during their lifetimes. The types of attachments can vary widely; ranging from a natural attachment, necessary for life extension (in other words, a need for food and water to stay alive) to any sort of attachment stemming from primary feelings of pleasure, enjoyment, relief, etc. The degree to which a person is attached to something will often fall within the realm of healthy; a loose affiliation with whatever is in question, but from there on, should the union be allowed to grow, these attachments can turn into compulsion and obsession, and then, in the most serious cases, addiction and self-assured dependence. Many people will already understand the theory that addiction to anything is potentially harmful – especially true when dealing with substances that are damaging to your health in either small quantities or excess amounts (the former primarily referring to drugs, including semi-legal drugs such as cigarettes and alcohol; the latter taking into account things like food).

Sadly, however, the moment addiction kicks in, the likelihood that all does not end well shoots up sharply. When a person has allowed something to engross their attention to the extent that they are unable to cope without it, in worst case scenarios, repercussions can lead to dramatic mood swings, deterioration of mental health, even the emergence of suicidal inclination. Most often seen in instances where the person has handled something already initially judged to be dangerous for them, the more vulnerable of us could easily fall into the same patterns when denied access to something we crave, and at the same time, not given help to wean us off it.

I’m not involving conditions where the object of addiction is known to affect the mind distinctively (e.g. heavy use of cannabis will increase paranoia). If the previously mentioned is true, it will always depend on the person’s unaltered mindset; their strength of will and character, how much they tend to think on their own, whether they are able to let something go when the time comes, and so forth. But what I was wondering was when does an attachment become an addiction? Should we worry at the sight of obsessive behaviour, and lament at the possibility it could evolve into a full-blown addiction? How easy is it to spot the difference between a strong attachment (where the person still has the ability to live without the item and remain sane) and an addiction?

My questions come from observing a friend the other day. I jokingly pointed out to her that she must be addicted to this one song she persists in listening to. She readily admitted to really liking the song, and had it on repeat – she’d probably listened to it 20 times by 6pm. It was only the next day that I thought to myself about whether that behaviour could possibly represent an addiction. In short, it’s very unlikely that it did; I never truly believed that it would have done, since she chose to listen to other songs, did not have it playing non-stop for hours on end, and didn’t present any changes in mood when not tuned to it. Unfortunately, I found myself deficient of the chance to conduct a more in-depth experiment, where I would have deprived her the option of listening rights to it whenever she wished (main reason I didn't go through with that was I would have suffered physical injury for doing so, and warranted it).

The conclusion has begged more questions than answers. Should we all be encouraged to look at some aspects of ordinary human activity, and consider them potential addictions (chiefly in teenagers who impart the most confusing cases)? Might it aid in mental health research into extra, formerly unseen causes of stress, depression and suicide? Could it finally explain the unexplainable (the unusually high-rate of suicides in young people living in Bridgend, Wales)?

Wetter Wet Weather

Rainfall? In Britain? During the summer? There's a first (I say as I put on my most sarcastic tone of the day)!

The typical description of a Britain summer, according to my father at least, is three days of glorious sunshine, followed by a thunderstorm. To give the benefit of the doubt to the nation’s weather, the thunderstorms have been few and far between this year (maybe not during the night, as I’m a deep sleeper, and fail to pay much attention to any sorts of commotion outside my window once the sky has grown dark), and have instead been replaced by brief rain showers.

Just to unsettle me, there would be a large thunderstorm yesterday evening, wouldn’t there? The despair of that proved to be somewhat unnerving, and loud roars of thunder aren’t very pleasurable experiences for the jittery.

As I recollect my thoughts, brief maybe a slight over exaggeration. A large proportion of these “soak sessions” have been and gone in mere double-figured seconds; occasionally, they haven’t even lasted long enough for the ordinary, inattentive human being to recognise that his garden path has been soaked and his flowers given a nice drink in the time between first glancing out the window, putting on a light layer of clothing to step outside in, then staring out the window again.

The grey clouds that dumped all of this rainwater are no slouches either – racing off into the distance nearly as quickly as the rain vanishes.

Could the quick weather changes be evidence of extreme climate change? Or are the changes circumstantial? I fear that the environment was damaged beyond repair may a year ago anyway, but events like these suggest the rate of change is greater than first envisioned, leaving our world with a shorter lifespan than previously thought. As the UK’s proximity to the North Pole is not of a distant kind, we will be one of the first nations to endure the brunt of the damage caused by melting ice caps.

Not many things put more of a dampener on things that an overcast sky. Pathetic fallacy can be the death of you at times like that, when you want to be productive. I’ve come across as pessimistic concerning any definitive fixes against lethal climate change, as I don’t believe there are any. And I am writing about the state of the weather here…

Fiveplay: #1

Here at TMROADY, I like to share with you titbits of information about whatever catches my eye and interests me. Now, I’m going to involve you more with my love of music. The “Fiveplay” series will introduce you to songs I deem worthy of a listen at that current moment in time, or ones I’ve enjoyed listening to for much longer than that. I know; this sounds a little too banal for an ambitious blog writer, and tends to be something a tired writer falls back on when fresh out of ideas. In the end, you can make that final judgement. Meanwhile, I'll write a few of these every now and then.

This first issue includes: Klaxons, UNKLE, Feeder, Kate Havnevik and Red Hot Chili Peppers.

1. Trick Or Treatz (Klaxons Vocal-Mix)- Metronomy

If you’re wondering who Metronomy are, so am I. In fact, you should be wondering who Metronomy is. A fairly unknown, typically electropop English artist, working sporadically as a remixer, created Trick Or Treatz in 2006. The following year, Klaxons, accredited with a number of remixes of their own by then, chose to replace Virginia Lipinski's vocals with there own. The original song had a “Klaxon-esque” sound to it anyway, so a voice transformation is not out of place. Hypnotic (in places) guitars and deep elongation on the title words of the chorus, and the end of each verse make for sinister undertones, but the swaying motion and foot movement that snares you reminds you well of Klaxons’ missing album tracks (Electrickery); you could be mistaken for thinking they produced this themselves. One thing missing: Righton’s falsetto vocals.

Rating: ****

2. No One Knows (UNKLE Reconstruction)- Queens Of The Stone Age

I originally heard this back in 2003, on the in-game soundtrack of SSX3 (snowboarding game by EA’s Sports BIG division, for PS2). Sadly, I believe it was down licensing issues that meant it – and the majority of the other available tracks in the game – was not present in the official soundtrack release. For 5 years, this song was lost to me, it had ventured into the musical wilderness, as I had forgotten its title, and confused its content with that of another song; Deepsky’s Ride (not bad itself). That is until the middle of last month, when I accidentally stumbled across it, previewing a set of “missing” SSX3 tracks. Turns out it had gone into hiding on one of UNKLE’s rare EPs: Where The Wild Things Are. Summarising, the track was perfectly suited to being riding music within SSX3. Outside of that, I feel it’s an “energy booster”; recharging your circuits when it's plugging your ears for 8 and half minutes. Reminiscent of drum and bass for the most part.

Rating: ****

3. Shatter- Feeder

Heavy bass guitar, coupled with a moderate use of electronic sounds, transitional echoes and simple, effective lyrics (the hallmark of a lead vocalist who possesses a distinguished, pleasant singing voice, and Grant Nicholas can claim to hold this enviable quality); Shatter is everything I want it to be. Even the name is reflected implicitly in the song, which is a trait I admire whenever put into practice. Released (albeit not being radio-friendly) on the band’s greatest hits compilation album of 2005- the no-nonsense The Singles – it saw a return to Feeder’s traditional sound covered in Echo Park; lying at the heavier end of the poppy-rock spectrum (however, they are not pop rockers). There’s nothing I dislike about this song. It has withstood the test of time and, in my eyes, personifies perfection.

Rating: *****

4. Unlike Me- Kate Havnevik

Featuring on Grey’s Anatomy first brought this song to public attention. A song falling firmly into the category of electronica, partial links have been forged between this and Hide And Seek by Imogen Heap. I tend to listen more to the latter, possibly because I prefer the voice distortion involved. But that’s not me complaining about Unlike Me. Havnevik has an easy-to-listen-to voice, with a strange soothing atmosphere seeps out into the open air from behind her. Could have developed a better climax towards the end.

Rating: ***

5. Under The Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers

No “Fiveplay” playlist would truly be complete without the inclusion, or reference to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This was the song that initially seduced me to their music; a relationship that has gone on from strength to strength for many a month now, becoming an integral part to my Art AS level coursework at one point. And it was all down to that opening guitar riff by John Frusciante. Had I not felt underwhelmed by the rest of the song, this would have easily obtained 5 stars. I wish they’d just repeated that riff one more time, somewhere near the end.

Rating: ****

Better Learn To KOL

NME.com had a limited-time free download of Crawl available on 28^th July, running from 3pm to 5pm. Rumours that this was set to be Kings Of Leon’s first single from their forthcoming album, Only By The Night, were hurriedly dispelled a while back, and a band official statement lays that accolade in the figurative hands of the bluntly suggestive titled Sex On Fire.

The album is not due for release until late September, which means an anxious wait is in store for all Kings Of Leon fans. Amidst the hype and expectation – this being fuelled by the announcement of a UK Autumn/Winter tour, promoting the fresh material – the “leak” of the MP3 format of a song played at a number of gigs already, has curbed enthusiasm just a tad, but not doused the fires completely, as to make that near two-month wait a little less unbearable.

I had listened to the live version of Crawl, prior to the download announcement on Monday. At the time that I did, I’d managed to compare it with another currently unreleased song expected on the new album, Manhattan, and adjudged the latter to be more to my liking on first impressions. Updated second impressions as of now haven’t really improved my opinion either. Crawl isn’t a bad track; it has a solid bass-line, and instrumentation matches up well with lead vocalist, Caleb Followill. Overall, Crawl has a natural flow radiating from it; hard to describe to a T, but should you surmise my thoughts on it, I would say that it beckons listeners to truly appreciate the Southern roots of the band.

Sadly, that is all Crawl does. The song was clearly not devised to replicate Arizona off their last album – a beautiful, slower “home” style track that capitulates fully to the mercy of KOL’s Southern influences – because the guitar and drum arrangements are too up-tempo. Yet saying that, it lacks in abundance the kick of McFearless and the aptly named Four Kicks. In practice, Crawl is let down by the confusion and indecision over what style of track it could be, and hardly qualifies itself as being relative to any of those popular tunes from before its time. The end result is a wallowing in mediocrity. At a stretch, I was able to make an association between it and On Call, but even there, the knot is a fragile one; On Call is a two-part “builder-upper”, while Crawl remains constant throughout.

My knockabout of this latest Kings Of Leon track is certainly not a premise for a pre-release bashing of Only By The Night. I doubt the 3 brothers and a cousin would have authorised the Internet distribution of their “best” songs, or even played them in concerts beforehand. Besides, Crawl is far from a disaster; it serves as a stable base layer to what I hope is another delicious success of an album.

A little bit extra:

Sign up for a free download of Crawl here (enter your e-mail, country and post code)...
http://www.kingsofleon.com/