Cheese On Toast

Huh? What’s that? You were expecting that title to be metaphorical when placed in conjunction with the rest of the article, you say? Well, looks like you were wrong there, buddy. Oh dear! That’s right, wallow in your pit of shame, and don’t come back out until you feel as though a sufficient amount of time has passed for your humiliation to have completely dissipated!

In other words, shake your head for a couple of seconds, then look back at the screen.

Yes, that’s a literal title if you haven’t caught on just yet. I’m going to talk to you about the magnificence of cheese on toast. Wow, I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about that culinary extreme of a dish *licks lips*.

Do you think that this is going to make for a painful reading experience? I will be brief; the probability of such an occurrence is in or around the 80% range, which is too high a percentage to give you any real hope of this article not causing you to clench your teeth in pity for your eyes. I’ll admit that I’m impressed you’ve made it this far without conceding defeat to me. I like your style; perseverance is a fantastic quality to own. Let’s hope you don’t exhaust your total supply of it in your reading of my strangest piece of writing yet.

Still paying attention? Good. Let’s see, what do I have to say? Hmm, I’m pondering how to put it into words…you know when you get that mental block and all you can think of is on specific thing that isn’t at all relevant. Well, right now, the thing on my mind is a shoe. It’s not even a special shoe. Doesn’t make you run any faster. Doesn’t make you jump any higher. Doesn’t take its form as a mild-mannered shoe by day and a crime-fighting super shoe by night. No, sadly it’s only the first half of that previous sentence, minus the mild-mannered part. Have you ever seen a mild-mannered shoe? If you have, please send a photo of it to me at donotsendmeaphotoofyourshoe@ihateyourshoe.com. E-mails like that are well-received.

Hmm, what was I originally talking about? Trees, was it? *looks back at title* Oh, cheese! I’d prefer to talk about trees. Did you know that there are several groves of Big Trees in California, the most famous of which are the Calaveras grove and the Mariposa grove? The Calaveras grove occupies what may be described as a band or belt 3,200 feet long and 700 in width. It’s true; just type in “Random Facts about Trees” into Google. I copied and pasted nothing.

Something’s got to be done about those trees…deforestation isn’t really the greatest thing for the survival of a tree. That's "cutting" their life spans dramatically!

All that thinking about shoes has made me wonder where they are. I put them down safely in a corner somewhere earlier. Problem is I can’t remember which corner. There are only about a million in my house to look in. It’s getting late now anyway; maybe they do fight crime at night? Whilst wondering about that, I realise I’ve complete wandered off from what I was supposed to be talking about. And that’s what I tend to do a lot. Digress. Procrastinate. This article was solely meant to focus on that; how long could I hold up my putting off of talking about what I said I would in the first place?

Should you want to know what I truly think about cheese on toast, here it is:

It’s alright.